Sorry, dear; I didn't get his name...

Yesterday I had the run-in that I was expecting, but which I was not looking forward to.  

I was strolling down to the dock to flip the breaker on so that I could work on the sprinkler system.  When I got to the steps that lead to the dock I was rudely jarred out of my day dream.   I happened to look down as I stepped onto the dock, let out a foul curse and hopped back, just managing to avoid stepping on the back end of Mr. Snake as he was slithering off the step into the water.  

My wife was on the back porch talking on the phone and I looked back over my shoulder to see if she had seen my little jig.  She moved to this new house with the declaration that if she saw any snakes (the S's, she calls them) then all bets were off and there would be hell to pay.

I watched for a moment to see if the S would make a return appearance before hot-footing it down the steps and out to the breaker, suddenly losing interest in sprinkler system maintenance.

On the way back I looked really hard at the step before I walked up, pausing about five feet away to give it a good long look.  Thinking the coast was clear I walked on up...and almost stepped on the little bastard again!  Fortunately, again, all I saw was his hind end sliding off the step into the water.  I don't know how the hell I missed him.

I tried to look nonchalant, as my wife was watching me intently, and  managed to walk (normally, I thought) back up to the house.

She put down the phone.  "What was it?"

"Well, er, really it was just a little bitty, teeny tiny, little ol' snake."

She took the news better than I thought. She narrowed her eyes and looked out towards the dock.  "What kind?"

Trying to act cool I said, "Don't know. I only saw his ass end, and he didn't introduce himself." Secretly I was hyperventilating.

I walked inside and flipped on the computer, looking for pictures of S's.  According to the pictures, it could have been a rat snake; they are harmless.  Could also have been a water moccasin; they are not harmless.

After a minute or two the breaker flipped off on the sprinkler system, which necessitated another trip to the dock to turn it off.

Since I don't own a shot gun, I went into the garage to arm myself, and wound up picking a shovel.  Heavy, long handle, pretty good edge.  I walked back down to the dock, seeking only to turn off the breaker but fully prepared to do battle with Mr. S.  I slowed down when I got to the step, poked the shovel all around, and finally, once I was sure the coast was clear, again hot-footed it down the pier to the breaker box.

So here's my problem...obviously I can't kill every S in East Texas, so what's my move?  What's my best bet, weapon-wise?  Shot gun?  Noisy, but efficient.  Machete?  Cool way to kill Mr. S, but risky; machetes aren't very long.   Shovel?  They are heavy and will certainly do the job, but they are also comparatively unwieldy.

The best bet may be to call K 1's fiance, let him know that there are vile serpents afoot, and ask him to come do his family duty.  A stand up potential son in law would come in handy, here.